The Other Woman | Chapter Five

So last night, last night was just about sex.  Nothing more than sex. In these two months of time we spent knowing each other. I guess the message nullifies the ‘relationship’ to null.

If that is what he wanted to make it clear that the night was great, he wouldn’t even want to mention it, but  maybe just how I am going to look at it. His action just revealed his insecurities.

I wish it was totally legal for a woman to castrate a man who puts her though this grief. That wretched son of a !

I knew he lied all along about us everytime he flashed his dimples. The lines around his eyes always creased. But his eyes never managed to smile. I should have seen it coming, all this while.

Leave aside these emotions, let them be unattended. Things will settle down when you put them on the back-burner.

No. Sort it right here till you have a grasp on what is going on, for the sake of your sanity.

All it takes is a moment for you to start loathing yourself.

Today every positive feeling I had for the man has fled away for me to notice the flaws in him. Delusions were my reality; an illusion to reflect the lies.

I agree; we didn’t have anything serious going on. I’d like to believe that we were a little more that flinging ourselves at each other when we got a room. We weren’t madly in love with each other; neither did we imagine ourselves happily walking together by the beach at sunset.

But there was something more than us staying the night; discussing our dreams and hopes till six in the morning.  

Maybe it was my fault. I tried to play cool from the start when his actions started to offend me. Maybe I was trying too hard to please him.

It is too mainstream to accept feelings so each other, because you are supposed to be unaffected with anything that has got to do with emotions and attachment. Yes, because, do what we may, feelings ain’t ever supposed to come to the forefront?

We dated for two months and spent most of our waking time together. Does that imply we were two souls who had nothing to do but just fuck each other in our free time?

Since we do not have a label to our relationship, I am assumed to be his whore? Since that’s what society perceives it as.

Well, what actually happened is that, in these two months, we spent too much time together. I gave into my emotions, and I found myself snuggling next to him. Everything always transcends into sex for him.

A little respect and maybe, a little rock in the balls to accept that I mean something to him that is all I expected from him.

            To pacify the lonely nights, I started finding love in the wrong place. In him.

I will probably emulate him and become a splinter of what he is. Maybe even poke fun at his tragedies.

You hate a person more when you can see though them. Though their masks and veils. Through their smiles and disguise.

Fuck. What I should probably do is dump him. Play his own game; be the ice-queen and then leave him to the pits.

I want him, not need him. I want to be loved by him. But only till I find a man who gives me the respect I deserve. I wish he realises I won't be with him for long. I’ll go on with the show.   Maybe I am playing his own game, and it makes me just as lowly as him. Maybe I have learnt my lessons. 

The day I stop taking him seriously, will be the day I learn to live for myself. The day I will be able to accept the fact that I am a solitary traveller, will be the day I start loving myself a little more.

These secret societies living inside the crevices of my head will help me get through this.

It pays much to date a dickwad.

I am his last contact with reality. His malevolence will become a reason for my vengefulness. His assholiness will become my silent weapon.

Maybe even write a book about his douchebaggery,  turn him into prose and make millions out of it.