Puerile Life

Scene 1

Age 10  - gets in with dad in the train. Daddy is taking me to office.!!  Hip hip hurray. Dad will get “hotel food”;  dad will take me to the sea, will buy clothes for me,  will show off to his office friends how smart I am. While I will just flash my teeth to everyone; even in front of Rachel my “bigger” sis, she will be so jealous.  I reach office. I am so bored within 15 mins. I get *cold* Limca juice.  I am bored. Try talking to Rachel.  Maybe we will fight and time will go by. Another hour.

 12 00 pm - Another bottle of Limca. I am hungry now. I wail for that “Chinese hotel food”. Papa’s friends had me the dirty yellow economic times. They tell me to type. It’s a race game. If I can type 500 words in an hour.  Food is served to me in the next 30 minutes. I am now full and can’t breathe.  I sleep on the 2 merged plastic chairs.
5 00 pm - we go to the beach. my shiny heel shoes has lost its shine n become brown. but dad will buy a new one for me right now . :P
6 00 pm - we are back in the train with me standing at the window seat and Rachel behind me :P  :) Life is bliss.

Scene 2

Age 20 - taken a break from college. Intend to pursue journalism in the forthcoming year.  Doing odd jobs to be never parched on pocket money. And I slowly learn the value of money.  Travelling by bus or sometimes by train instead of the usual ricks. Un-officially groped in trains and buses. In buses by men. In trains by women.  

Report to wo(e)rk office 30 mins late.  I pretend to do work. Boss vents all his inadequacies’ at his employees.  Its 12pm.  Time for instant gratification. Food. Devour every morsel of my dejeuner. Prolong every moment of the lunch time. Fucking bastard gives mean, angry, vengeful look as soon as I start bitching about him. Is this what is called telepathy??
 4 00 pm – chai time. 20 mins in washroom.. 1 and a half hour more. Goes online under the impression of replying 2 mails that is a part of my job.  Chats and vents out anger with snbhat. 6 45 pm – washroom time again. Pay peanuts, get monkeys is my mantra for work. Time to fuck off. Life is bliss ?

( this is a work of pure imagination at work. none of this is related to the authoress)

Happy Birthday Google..!!

With Google turning 12 ; I have just realised how handicapped I am without it ! Google has helped  me with my spell check rather than Microsoft Word . From  teaching me grammar  to tracking news updates , from assisting me in noting movie ratings s to latest TV schedules;  from locating addresses through Google maps or helping me with the ubiquitous projecting looming the night before submission. Google has helped me do all of this with a click of the Search button.

When I used Google on Saturday morning to implore and educate myself about the CWG, Goggle had a birthday cake ( and still has ) by the artist Wayne Thiebaud’ who is apparently “an American painter whose most famous works are of cakes, pastries,boots, toilets, toys   and lipsticks. “ (Thanks Google (again) , Wiki Second ..!! )

Google's 12  b'day doodle 

So here is my ode to goggle. Google through these years celebrating Its birth and doing social service in way 2 all of us mortals..!!

Google turns a sober 11

Ten-tun- a-ten

Vine-y 9

Natty Eight

Roman 7

Sexy 6

Hive- 5

$ more for google.!

 Cheers Google..!!!

Caught in the Act

"Wayne Rooney caught cheating on Coleen McLoughlin ” read a daily newspaper.  As I flipped through the pages of a newspaper last week.

Pic for representational purpose only

"Wait..Who was it again ? Tiger Woods ? Wayne Rooney ?? Wasn’t he married very recently?  Wasn’t his wife preggers even more lately??? wasn't the press abuzz with  sum1 who cheated v recently??? From d sport fraternity??? " my mind rambled on.. 

A quick recall gave them quite a long list of love rats.. Phew..!!! 

Tiger Woods- Tiger Wood’s downhill started  by November 2009 when he was caught cheating with a certain   Rachel Uchitel, an executive at an exclusive nightclub.. All in the name of party planner . only later did we know what  "Tiger Woods' wife rescued him from car crash by smashing window with golf club” meant...  Way 2 go Elin!! Hope this relieved her pain for just some moments !

 

Ashley Cole - The next  one in line who would love to turn in2 ashes after being caught with a woman would be this guy. Has he taken a good look at his now ex wife Cheryl tweedy? He cheated on Cheryl with a string of women. probably more than what he could count.. just a case of the swan marryind the proverbial duckling marrying the beast. only in this case, the duckling couldn’t  keep his feathers to himself.

 

Reggie Bush- The new Orleans saints player was in my memory famous only for dating kim Kardashian. But with a woman like Kim in hand; why would anybody look in any other bush?? Huh???

 

David Beckham- Rebecca Loos should thanks David Beckam for giving her 15 seconds for of fame. In other words,  a “new life “ for her. Rebecca loos den signed on a couple of reality show which among them was ‘Survivor.’ And “The Farm” in which she was seen masturbating a pig. Eeeekkks got a new definition on levels of crudeness.

 

WhY only football..??

In the country that is obsessive s with cricket;  cricketers too know how to play with  balls off the court n how..!!!

Take for instance.. media's wild child , Shane Warne.

In 2007, Shane Warne, who had a second chance with his wife reportedly, screwed it up for good but accidentally sending her a text message meant fro another woman.  This is called the incapability to learn from past mistakes.. no??

 

Apart from these are Mohammed Azharudin and his ‘Jwala’  surely sparked some talks about him,  if not 4 his career lows. And match fixing scuttlebutt. And how do we get our tiger dada--  Desh-ki-dhadkan—Sourav Ganguly and his jig with Nagma  ???

 

Which leads me 2 a few questions.. Is it so difficult 4 famous men to stay monogamous?

Or is it just men??? Or is it just power that comes in2 “foreplay” here??? Long distance relationships??. Whatever it is , they make marriage sound nothing more than a display of wealth . if not a chance 2 , officially get their pants unzipped.

 

And to name a few, Ronan Keating, Brad Pit.. and our very own Hritik Roshan, Akshay Kumar..  (did I say at the beginning that he list is long?? )

 

Apparently “About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage "Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy Vaugn”

Is this a foretelling sign for us women 2 openly indulge in orgies now????

 

I hope not..!!!

 

 

“Treat the girl right ,

 Or u will bite d dust!

With a pole tied to him. Tight..!!

And castrate his tongs of lust.”

 

Amen to that..!!

Reality Bites

                Since everybody i know i bitten by reality bug; I too thought of eating a pie from the cake..!!! :D

 This incident is something that happened a few months ago when i used 2 travel by the chuk -chuk gaadis  that have finally come of age...the paan stained violet trains..!!  ta-da..!!!

                    It was a hot sunny afternoon .  Everyone's tired,  bleary and rude. Housewives thinking about d menu 4 d dinner,  teeny boppers probably thinking about d food for dinner; or d quite drink b4 dinner... the fact that the fans being present 4 d spiders to make their row houses dint help any respite from the heat n d whiny tones women belched every 10 seconds.

             The lucky women sitting by the window.(Envied by everyone for the moment ) stare back thru the jail like. windows.. d only scenery pleasant to the eyes  being  the trees, the gross ones included people pooping on the tracks or washing their bum.

                     An old woman ,  sat opposite to me, vacuously filled with warmth.The kind of 1es who might hit u if u go wrong when u observe their wrinkles.  The best time pass would be  so 2 buy some cheap imitation jewellery n act as queen Sheba in the very own compartment..!!!  I indulged.. and How..!!

               After an hour of experiencing eternity the  train halted at Borivli. the only good thing worth being happy about for the moment. In the  the ram n shayam get lost in a mela frenzy for  the door.. this old woman sat in her seat in a composed state almost under placebo.

             And then she did something which isn’t expected from anybody: just like u can’t expect cows apologize when they moo.

                     The old woman spat on the idle seat adjacent to her. No remorse. No apologetic look. just plain mundane insipid expression like everything in the universe was placed just like it is. I was disgusted to appoint where I could feel repelling rants of hatred towards her.. She st spat on the train seat.. Who does that..!!!?

                   For the nonce none of us spoke.. we were 2 busy giving her nasty looks n the other women discussing how people do ghaand in the trains. but viola! Amidst such taken from a filmy melodramatic scene..There has to be a captain planet right???

                      So we found or very own crusader right der. the women hawker..!!!

“ Treat trains like home ... would you live in dirt.. do u like to live in dirt..????  Don’t u broom and clean your house??? Would u shit in your living room??? If we don’t take care.. Who would..???? Keep the city clean sanitized?? " Out of 50 women in that compartment, just this woman had the audacity 2 scald and scolds this granny with her remarks..!!! Alleluia..!!!  I am yet 2 see something like that burning in my life..

And every1 had a new found respect 4 her.The fact that she cares more the vibrant colourful city than her tarnished colourless life.

The drama was done and the nanny left with nothing to speak.we slowly inched towards the door.. me.. Only enlightened with what this women had 2 speak 4 something so strongly..

 Life surely springs surprises. In this case, Life was the hawker.