Happy Birthday Google..!!

With Google turning 12 ; I have just realised how handicapped I am without it ! Google has helped  me with my spell check rather than Microsoft Word . From  teaching me grammar  to tracking news updates , from assisting me in noting movie ratings s to latest TV schedules;  from locating addresses through Google maps or helping me with the ubiquitous projecting looming the night before submission. Google has helped me do all of this with a click of the Search button.

When I used Google on Saturday morning to implore and educate myself about the CWG, Goggle had a birthday cake ( and still has ) by the artist Wayne Thiebaud’ who is apparently “an American painter whose most famous works are of cakes, pastries,boots, toilets, toys   and lipsticks. “ (Thanks Google (again) , Wiki Second ..!! )

Google's 12  b'day doodle 

So here is my ode to goggle. Google through these years celebrating Its birth and doing social service in way 2 all of us mortals..!!

Google turns a sober 11

Ten-tun- a-ten

Vine-y 9

Natty Eight

Roman 7

Sexy 6

Hive- 5

$ more for google.!

 Cheers Google..!!!

Caught in the Act

"Wayne Rooney caught cheating on Coleen McLoughlin ” read a daily newspaper.  As I flipped through the pages of a newspaper last week.

Pic for representational purpose only

"Wait..Who was it again ? Tiger Woods ? Wayne Rooney ?? Wasn’t he married very recently?  Wasn’t his wife preggers even more lately??? wasn't the press abuzz with  sum1 who cheated v recently??? From d sport fraternity??? " my mind rambled on.. 

A quick recall gave them quite a long list of love rats.. Phew..!!! 

Tiger Woods- Tiger Wood’s downhill started  by November 2009 when he was caught cheating with a certain   Rachel Uchitel, an executive at an exclusive nightclub.. All in the name of party planner . only later did we know what  "Tiger Woods' wife rescued him from car crash by smashing window with golf club” meant...  Way 2 go Elin!! Hope this relieved her pain for just some moments !

 

Ashley Cole - The next  one in line who would love to turn in2 ashes after being caught with a woman would be this guy. Has he taken a good look at his now ex wife Cheryl tweedy? He cheated on Cheryl with a string of women. probably more than what he could count.. just a case of the swan marryind the proverbial duckling marrying the beast. only in this case, the duckling couldn’t  keep his feathers to himself.

 

Reggie Bush- The new Orleans saints player was in my memory famous only for dating kim Kardashian. But with a woman like Kim in hand; why would anybody look in any other bush?? Huh???

 

David Beckham- Rebecca Loos should thanks David Beckam for giving her 15 seconds for of fame. In other words,  a “new life “ for her. Rebecca loos den signed on a couple of reality show which among them was ‘Survivor.’ And “The Farm” in which she was seen masturbating a pig. Eeeekkks got a new definition on levels of crudeness.

 

WhY only football..??

In the country that is obsessive s with cricket;  cricketers too know how to play with  balls off the court n how..!!!

Take for instance.. media's wild child , Shane Warne.

In 2007, Shane Warne, who had a second chance with his wife reportedly, screwed it up for good but accidentally sending her a text message meant fro another woman.  This is called the incapability to learn from past mistakes.. no??

 

Apart from these are Mohammed Azharudin and his ‘Jwala’  surely sparked some talks about him,  if not 4 his career lows. And match fixing scuttlebutt. And how do we get our tiger dada--  Desh-ki-dhadkan—Sourav Ganguly and his jig with Nagma  ???

 

Which leads me 2 a few questions.. Is it so difficult 4 famous men to stay monogamous?

Or is it just men??? Or is it just power that comes in2 “foreplay” here??? Long distance relationships??. Whatever it is , they make marriage sound nothing more than a display of wealth . if not a chance 2 , officially get their pants unzipped.

 

And to name a few, Ronan Keating, Brad Pit.. and our very own Hritik Roshan, Akshay Kumar..  (did I say at the beginning that he list is long?? )

 

Apparently “About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage "Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy Vaugn”

Is this a foretelling sign for us women 2 openly indulge in orgies now????

 

I hope not..!!!

 

 

“Treat the girl right ,

 Or u will bite d dust!

With a pole tied to him. Tight..!!

And castrate his tongs of lust.”

 

Amen to that..!!

Reality Bites

                Since everybody i know i bitten by reality bug; I too thought of eating a pie from the cake..!!! :D

 This incident is something that happened a few months ago when i used 2 travel by the chuk -chuk gaadis  that have finally come of age...the paan stained violet trains..!!  ta-da..!!!

                    It was a hot sunny afternoon .  Everyone's tired,  bleary and rude. Housewives thinking about d menu 4 d dinner,  teeny boppers probably thinking about d food for dinner; or d quite drink b4 dinner... the fact that the fans being present 4 d spiders to make their row houses dint help any respite from the heat n d whiny tones women belched every 10 seconds.

             The lucky women sitting by the window.(Envied by everyone for the moment ) stare back thru the jail like. windows.. d only scenery pleasant to the eyes  being  the trees, the gross ones included people pooping on the tracks or washing their bum.

                     An old woman ,  sat opposite to me, vacuously filled with warmth.The kind of 1es who might hit u if u go wrong when u observe their wrinkles.  The best time pass would be  so 2 buy some cheap imitation jewellery n act as queen Sheba in the very own compartment..!!!  I indulged.. and How..!!

               After an hour of experiencing eternity the  train halted at Borivli. the only good thing worth being happy about for the moment. In the  the ram n shayam get lost in a mela frenzy for  the door.. this old woman sat in her seat in a composed state almost under placebo.

             And then she did something which isn’t expected from anybody: just like u can’t expect cows apologize when they moo.

                     The old woman spat on the idle seat adjacent to her. No remorse. No apologetic look. just plain mundane insipid expression like everything in the universe was placed just like it is. I was disgusted to appoint where I could feel repelling rants of hatred towards her.. She st spat on the train seat.. Who does that..!!!?

                   For the nonce none of us spoke.. we were 2 busy giving her nasty looks n the other women discussing how people do ghaand in the trains. but viola! Amidst such taken from a filmy melodramatic scene..There has to be a captain planet right???

                      So we found or very own crusader right der. the women hawker..!!!

“ Treat trains like home ... would you live in dirt.. do u like to live in dirt..????  Don’t u broom and clean your house??? Would u shit in your living room??? If we don’t take care.. Who would..???? Keep the city clean sanitized?? " Out of 50 women in that compartment, just this woman had the audacity 2 scald and scolds this granny with her remarks..!!! Alleluia..!!!  I am yet 2 see something like that burning in my life..

And every1 had a new found respect 4 her.The fact that she cares more the vibrant colourful city than her tarnished colourless life.

The drama was done and the nanny left with nothing to speak.we slowly inched towards the door.. me.. Only enlightened with what this women had 2 speak 4 something so strongly..

 Life surely springs surprises. In this case, Life was the hawker.

Why I hate KJo's movies

As much as I love Karan Johar for his wit and sense of humour, I DISLIKE him for the stereotypical plots in modern day cinema.

He might be hailed as the modern day raconteur. And after having a not so pleasant discussion about KJo with one of my mates; I am coming out with my own rendition of why I hate K Jo movies.

*Drunk Dancing*

What does Dostana, Kal Ho Naa Ho, I Hate Luv Story’s have in common??? (Going by the promos of this pic. ) The girls have the audacity to dance like this only when they are drunk!!! ONLY when drunk!! Either Karan Johar believes that pretty pixies can dance like orangutans only when drunk. Or women high on morals don’t drink. Or Mind u!! His movies r family entertainers’. What other excuse can he serve??? They definitely don’t want Indian parents to think that their own daughter can drink; fag or smoke weed.

*Death*

As long as the oldest trick in the book is used; KJo’s movies will always continue winning awards. Be it Kal Ho Na Ho where SRK's character Aman was deceased or Kuch Kuch Hota Hai where the pudgy Rani was bereaved. Just kill them or let them be losers. Another nuance is Hrithik Roshan in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Or SRK (Rahul) (again!) in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna.

*Punjabis*

All these movies will mandatorily have a Punjabi mom who has to be rambunctious. A 'Thick Like Punjabi Lassie' Mom is even better when it comes to weight, girth and accent. Do we really need hackneyed Moms?? I think we were talking about KJo representing modern cinema. Take a look- Kirron Kher in Dostana, Kajol in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Kirron Kher again in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

*Lady Luck*

No matter how uneducated the character; serendipity will always get to them. Always.

*Love Stories*

Boy meets Girl. Girl meets Boy.

Boy hates Girl. Girl hates Boy.

But they will fall in love.

With each other’s differences.

It is these KJo's movies which makes us a baboon of ourselves His movies make us mushy. When we all know that relationships are definitely not about romantic slow songs; red roses; prom nights and reveries.

And Oh! God forbid, if we have any one cheating on us. They are ready with an excuse. “I love you, but unfortunately you are not my soul-mate. It is He/she” And they fade into the background. Just like that. And about you,you will be pining about her for quite some time.

*Love triangles*

· Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

· Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

· Dostana

· I Hate Luv Story’s

· Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

· Kal Ho Naa Ho

I think the point is well conceived here.

Moving on to I Hate Luv Story’s . Sonam looks like she was fed on a diet of steroids since her childhood. Her kiddish tweeny voice, sadly didn't have any effect of the steroids.

Personally , I was turned off when I saw a scene “inspired” from the movie “27 dresses”. Not that I was quite impressed by 27 dresses either.

Just take a look at this video.

& read this from 27 Dresses

Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.

Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.

Jane: Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.

Kevin: A-ha! So you admit that believe in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!

Teenyboppers are definitely going to love it. And I don’t see myself as one. Clearly.Yes, after a series of playing hotch-scotch with the plot-lines, even dialogues are an epiphany from the inspired rom-coms.

This is why I hate KJo.

P.S :- if anyone hasn't noticed by now, i haven't taken a jibe at Wake Up Sid. Which is primarily because the movie was realistic and made sense. and definitely struck a chord with everyone. It is only when he uses the "winning" formula and mish-mashes the story using a pair of dice. Throw the clichés and his movies will surely click..!!

The Axe effect- now with a twist..

Anti-rape condom ready for SA World Cup

Apart from letting the gossip mongers find an outlet to yap about. Facebook is helping me be a know-it-all in ways more than 1. Just yesterday 2 of the communities came up with a Write up on a female condom called Rape-Axe..!!


The condom is used to avoid the age old medieval lore which should have been scorned by now. Only this time it will leave d rapist writhing in pain. Something which can be worn as easily as a tampon is nothing to complain about and it has spiked in the inside of the
condom . the condom works its magic only during penetration. Once clung to the penis
it can be only removed by a doctor. Fangs prove to be loyal again..!!


Amen to that..!!


A lot of skeptics are hollering about leaking the news to the media. Which will make the rapists army combat forces unite and create something...??!! yes right.. Unless rapists
Definitely don’t roam around with X-ray eyes..!! anything could b e possible . Secondly
thou it is receiving a lot of flake about putting women through a lot of stress and the fragility
women are constantly have to deal with .


Well isn’t it always better safe to be " safe" than sorry.


The only concern here would be gang rape. where in 1 man is hurt they might resort to
much spiteful things. the fangs might not be able to deal with a couple of dicks. and may
attack the woman more than what was intended to. But after weighing the cons . we should still give Rape-axe a mighty go ahead. it can surely curb rape.


What’s more? Dr Sonnet Ehlers the inventor of rape axe said she visited prisons and talked to convicted rapists to investigate if such a device would have made them contemplate their deeds. thy replied in the positive.


Back home lets us look at the statistics in India. A woman gets raped every half an hour in India. The latest report of the Delhi-based National Crime Records Bureau shows India’s shameful record when it comes to rape.


In 2007, there were 20,737 reported cases of rape. This works out to a staggering 2.37 rapes every hour. As you read this write up, an innocent girl, woman or child is likely
being raped in India and languishing - given the social stigma.


To which i can conclude only this.
an axe for a the dick may set things right.


Rapists will now have to pay- with a rape scar..!!!

“U girls ask us guys to stare at u"

"Damn these bucolic Biharis, I agree with Raj Thackeray with this. They are the ones who always eve-tease" Kevin said insouciantly.

“I liked the feed on the I-Dare-You blog...you should read it he said during our usual natter on Gtalk.

A cynic that I am just claimed that there is no point....no ones at an advantage other than the guys writing these posts. People like me are going gaga over the authorship. (And for once...people were actually talking about eve-teasing. Yes all thanks to Ur Blog...It has generated a hype and v r talking about it..!! )

As we progressed with our talks I still maintained that this " I - Dare - You " initiative is not going to work unless people on the street are educated...that a Herculean task...n dat where d grisly action takes place..

“No”, that the problem with u girls. Always stereotyping us.. There are a few good men like me who are still left". Sending out emoticons which made me want to believe him.

"Heck all are the same...See a girl with a pair of long legs n you think of getting into her pants...And after all you believe in love (read :lust) at first sight. When you walk around in a skirt or even in a pair of shorts you will find men giving u such nasty stares that it pierces hard And not to forget the words like ",Maal", "Item", "Guladda" (ewwwww....I know..! ) and all that crass (read :cuss).

“You all will want to roam around in the tiniest skirts also n than u al want all stares also.. that’s so dumb...I mean...just grow up yaar...what kinda argument is this...cover up urself and then see na.. then u know which are good and which are bad !!! “I felt like me was almost screaming down my throat .

I duuno what to make an issue about...: the length of the skirt or the breadth of the void in his hollow skull up there . This incitive was enough to get me into a feral rage.

“What??????????????????????????????????????” I was appalled by what this dumb-fucked-up-pervert-Kevin just said.

“If you want to wear short skirts ore when roam naked. Do it in your house; not on the road." ranting up almost immediately.

"You’re such a sick pervert Kevin. I dint expect this from u. I thought u were one of the guys who actually made sense” Damn.. I wanted to slap him hard.

“So are you trying to impregnate my mind by saying " Kevin stares at girls; checks them our; lusts for them but no...He is not a pervert. Conviction cud’nt get better than this..!! Damn these male species . . . one more reason to loathe them. What had gotten into him?? Was he feigning this??? I continued my hollering "What's the difference between so called ' I support ' I-Dare-You - initiators ' or those rustic Biharis or the cycle-walas or the rickshaw-wala for that matter?? ?? " I cud’nt blame my poor friend actually...Maybe dats how all men are...After all suck kidaas are there in all male-species.

" You girls are barmy... You so well know how to exaggerate things n take it to the next level..dont you??" acting like d heavens up above prophesied him to speak something wise.

“Kevin ...for Ur enlightment....do u know I am supposed t be free in this city for all d fucking reasons?? Whether I wear a sari ...or a bikini. .and according to sum national survey in India. Most Women are raped in villages than in the cities..n they wear saris der,,So now r u trying to tem me dat maybe these women lure men into raping them ??" It was now my chance to thank the heavens up above that fact dat I Read dat article..!!

To which he gave me a mind-blowing ‘Rongthe -kadhe -honewali jawab.’ "I stare with in my limits!!! Now I know y u all girls think V r perverts... Coz u girls lack gumption...you all will roam half naked and want no one to c u all like that. Now that’s quite a task...keep waiting for that day to come..!! "

Well. That when I decided to take e litmus test ... Will I really have to wait that long a time?? To witness that a " well-educated - guy" is not going to ogle at me??

Until then I guess we girls will have to just continue creating a scene if anybody misdemeans our body. our dignity...our ego. Our self respect...

kevin is a fictious character...but ds incident sure did happen..!! kust goesn on to show wot men think...!!

Cheers..!!!

. . . . .

People are going to persuade you to shut up. . . .Do urself a favour. . . speak wot's on ur mind. . .

In adversaries this is how ur going to be feeling. . .wings being clipped and u isolated in a cage. . .just be determined enough to break the shackles. .

Let dose labels die . . .and for once live your life..!!

keep your friends closer. . . your enimies closer and Yourslef Closest.. .

All the pain & sorrow , From yesterday ‘til tomorrow, Hoping it would all be over, Even though it seems forever