So last night, last night
was just about sex. Nothing more than sex. In these two months of time we
spent knowing each other. I guess the message nullifies the ‘relationship’ to
null.
If that is
what he wanted to make it clear that the night was great, he wouldn’t even want
to mention it, but maybe
just how I am going to look at it. His action just revealed his insecurities.
I wish it
was totally legal for a woman to castrate a man who puts her though this grief.
That wretched son of a !
I knew
he lied all along about us everytime he flashed his dimples. The lines around his eyes always
creased. But his eyes never managed to smile. I should have seen it coming, all
this while.
Leave
aside these emotions, let them be unattended. Things will settle down when you
put them on the back-burner.
No. Sort
it right here till you have a grasp on what is going on, for the sake of your
sanity.
All it
takes is a moment for you to start loathing yourself.
Today every
positive feeling I had for the man has fled away for me to notice the flaws in
him. Delusions were my reality; an illusion to reflect the lies.
I agree; we
didn’t have anything serious going on. I’d like to believe that we were a
little more that flinging ourselves at each other when we got a room. We
weren’t madly in love with each other; neither did we imagine ourselves happily
walking together by the beach at sunset.
But there
was something more than us staying the night; discussing our dreams and hopes
till six in the morning.
Maybe it
was my fault. I tried to play cool from the start when his actions started to
offend me. Maybe I was trying too hard to please him.
It is too
mainstream to accept feelings so each other, because you are supposed to be
unaffected with anything that has got to do with emotions and attachment. Yes,
because, do what we may, feelings ain’t ever supposed to come to the forefront?
We dated
for two months and spent most of our waking time together. Does that imply we
were two souls who had nothing to do but just fuck each other in our free time?
Since we do
not have a label to our relationship, I am assumed to be his whore? Since
that’s what society perceives it as.
Well, what
actually happened is that, in these two months, we spent too much time
together. I gave into my emotions, and I found myself snuggling next to him.
Everything always transcends into sex for him.
A little
respect and maybe, a little rock in the balls to accept that I mean something
to him that is all I expected from him.
To pacify the lonely nights, I
started finding love in the wrong place. In him.
I will
probably emulate him and become a splinter of what he is. Maybe even poke fun
at his tragedies.
You hate a person more when you can see though them.
Though their masks and veils. Through their smiles and disguise.
Fuck. What
I should probably do is dump him. Play his own game; be the ice-queen and then
leave him to the pits.
I want him,
not need him. I want to be loved by him. But only till I find a man who gives
me the respect I deserve. I wish he realises I
won't be with him for long. I’ll go on with the show. Maybe I am playing his own game,
and it makes me just as lowly as him. Maybe I have learnt my lessons.
The day I
stop taking him seriously, will be the day I learn to live for myself. The day
I will be able to accept the fact that I am a solitary traveller, will be the day I start loving myself a little more.
These
secret societies living inside the crevices of my head will help me get through
this.
It pays much to date a
dickwad.
I am his
last contact with reality. His malevolence will become a reason for my
vengefulness. His assholiness will become my silent weapon.
Maybe even
write a book about his douchebaggery, turn him into prose and make
millions out of it.
